“Be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”
Do you see yourself as a brave woman? When you look in the mirror, do you behold a champion? Nora Ephron’s quote strikes a chord with me. I strive, each day, to be the heroine and not the victim in my life experience. I desire to embody the strength of a conqueror. I refuse to be life’s prey.
As brilliant as life is ~ my, what a gift ~ it can also bring you to your knees. Hurts, trauma, and challenges, all too often, lead to self-limiting belief. Your boldest dreams become the things of childhood folly. The heroine within slips through the cracks of disappointment and a victim is left standing.
When did you arrive at this place?
Perhaps, you might consider the power that shame and blame have over your life. The root of the word shame derives from the meaning, to cover. This interpretation rings true as shame is often worn like a heavy cloak, figuratively speaking, weighing you down ~ imprisoning your spirit. Whether the emotion of shame is a result of an outside force or one of a self-inflicted wound, the outcome is a life held hostage to the internal commotion shame produces. It has taken years for me to understand this truth.
In my own life, I wore my birthparents’ shame like a choke collar around my neck. The shame they carried over an affair that produced me. The secrecy established to hide me away and to erase me, the symbol of their shame. I became attached to this shame. My voice restrained from speaking greatness, my spirit suppressed from living it. I blamed myself. I had nothing to do with the circumstances that produced me, yet, I was allowing this cloak of shame to smother me. From the outside, all looked well. On the inside, shame and blame were making me sick. I felt fragile emotionally and physically. I saw a victim in the mirror and she was a stranger to me. I asked this question: Where is my heroine, and…
How can you recover?
Transformational author, Lisa Nichols, has said, “Some motivation comes wrapped in sand paper.” In other words, I knew the work of recovery would be abrasive. However, the pain of living with shame and blame far outweighed, in my belief, the pain that might await me on the path to healing. This is necessary to understand. Call on your inner heroine and face the pain!
Step up to your greatness and silence shame and blame. Let go of what has come before and send it packing. Be clear that the past does not equal the future!
For part of my healing, I wrote a letter to my birthfather. He kept me a secret all of his life, until one month before he died. In my letter, I forgave him for leaving a legacy of shame and blame. I also forgave myself for carrying on my shoulders ~ so willingly ~ his burden. And, I mourned. I cried for what was, what was not, and then I smiled. I stood up and cheered for what would be. I celebrated the path I was creating toward an exceptional life.
I could feel the heroine within telling me to “go for it.” She wanted me to have faith, to face fear and take the leap. My inner heroine was stepping into the spotlight and my blueprint for greatness was before me. My past was the launching pad for my future. I possessed the tools to build my greatness. All I ever needed was to stop sitting on my own toolbox. How miraculous!
Shame and blame may imprison, however, you can become familiar with this fortress. You understand it, know the way around, even feel safe within its walls. This is the tricky part. Shame and blame give you permission to live only a small portion of your greatness. Be aware, this is the victim mode! The burning in your belly, however, is your heroine wanting to be released. If you feel this sensation, say these words with me and empower your life!
Today, I release shame and blame from my being. Shame and blame do not serve me, no they imprison me. Imprisoning my hopes, my dreams, my potential, my ability to love myself or anyone else. Shame and blame imprison my greatness. Today, I take courageous action and let them go. I free myself! On this day, and on every day, I claim the beautiful, powerful, and awesome heroine waiting within.